Monday, September 26, 2016

Things I wished I had done in my 20s...



Now that I am about to turn 34 I have been thinking about some of the things I regret not doing while I was younger. I waited until I was 28 to marry and I was still dragging my feet on that one. Although I worried about losing my independence I am happy that I have a very understanding husband who deals well with my mood swings lol. We are just now thinking about having kids. I was never prepared for kids in my 20s. I am barely prepared now. I realize that many people say that if you wait until you are completely ready for kids you will never have them. Like that is supposed to make me forget about being completely unprepared financially. Mounds of student debt, regular debt, two crappy cars and a few family members that will never grow up. And I am not one of those people that just decides to do something while forgetting the consequences. I have siblings for that. My point is if I do not feel ready to have kids I would rather just not have any. Why bring a child in to this world of debt that I have created for my self. I know I will be able to take care of this debt on my own but if I have a kid no way. All my money would go to the child. I really did not mean to get on a tangent about kids but it is what it is. So here is my list of things that every 20 something should attempt to do no matter what..

1. Travel... Travel... and more Travel
I realize that this is probably a given to most people in there 20s but not me. I never had any money and I was always in school or working. I seriously regret not doing a summer in Spain or backpacking through the countryside. I now have no cool stories to tell anyone. And yes I know traveling costs money but do it anyway. Find the money. Once you get married and start talking about kids it may be awhile.


2. Live at home as long as possible....if you can
I know that there is a stereotype of our generation saying that we are lazy and are relying on our parents too much. So what! Staying at home with you parents at least while attending college will cut down on costs and your stress level. When I turned 18, I was ready to head out on my own. Now I regret it. Not only was I stressing about exams and papers but I was also stressing about bills. Though stressing about bills never goes away you can push it back by staying at home for a few more years. And if you do feel like getting a job, I would stick to a part time one and put as much money as you can in a savings account. So when you do move out you will have the money.

3. Be Selfish as F*ck...
I know it may seem like I am being kind of mean and blunt but it has to be done. I spent a lot of my 20s making sure my siblings did not die because they continued to make bad decisions in life. That doesn't really change either. We are all in our 30s now and I had to relieve myself of them. If you have any toxic family members or friends do not let them bring you down. Once you hit 30 you start to realize that it is the quality of friends not the quantity. I really only have a couple friends now and I am so happy with that. It may be a little harder to distance yourself from family members. Before my dad died he made me promise to watch out for my older sister and being that I am a good daughter I can't just leave her  to her own devices. You may not be able to get rid of family but you can choose how you handle them. As long as they are not self destructive let them be. There is only so much that you can do.




Ok so I just vented to who ever would listen. Had my first day at a new job today which I feel is way below my IQ level but everyone has to start some where. So I may be working through some things.

Friday, September 23, 2016

Things only a person that has lost both parents will understand...


There are some things in life that just suck and you can not do anything about. Losing both parents before you turn 30 is something I never thought would happen to me. My parents divorced when I was very young and I lived with my dad so I was a lot closer to him. I spent summers with my mom whenever I could but it was not something I enjoyed. Growing up I always felt like my other siblings were closer to my mom then I would ever be but thats ok I thought. I had my dad and I did not need anyone else. When I was eighteen I found out my mom had cancer and it was pretty far along. It was lung cancer which more than likely was from her smoking for thirty years including through all her preganicies. Thanks mom! I was not really sure how to feel but I just dealt with it. She died a year later and I was still ok because my dad was there for me. My siblings did not handle it well but I moved on with my life. When I was 28 I had another blow that almost destroyed me. My dads death was sudden and unexpected. At least with my mom I knew it was coming. As a firefighter, my dad put his life on the line everyday and I never thought about it. I was such a proud daughter. My dad was literally a hero. The day he had his accident he was fighting a grass fire trying to save someones house. He collapsed on the job and never woke up. He was in the ICU for eight days and we had to make the decision to let him go. The year after my dads death was the worse. I had so much anger. Only now that it has been 5 years am I able to move on. This is something I never thought would happen to me. For the longest time I wasnt sure how to survive without a parent to guide me. There are so many things that other people do not understand.

1. When I hear you talk about your own parents I HATE YOU!!
Ok so maybe hate is a strong word. Most of my friends and my cousins still have both of their parents and when they mention them I hate that my mind gets so angry. So you have two parents and they may not be perfect but they are still alive. So please do not talk bad about them or avoid them. They want to be in your life. Let them. I still replay the last conversation I had with my dad. I wish I could have changed it.

2. I feel like an orphan even though I am an adult.
I feel so lost all the time. Even after 5 years I still fell like picking up the phone and telling my dad about my day. I randomly feel lonely even with a room full of people. My husband doesn't even understand. And even though I am married I worry that no one would care if anything happens to me. My dad always worried about me.

3. No one will be good enough
I never really had this problem with my mom but I did with my dad. Not only did I compare my dad and my husband but also my in-laws. Whenever my husband does something I do not like I think my dad would never do that. Or my dad would be so much better about that. My husband dad is pretty horrible for a dad but my husband still wants to be around him. I guess I get that but I am constantly thinking why did my dad die when your dad is this horrible and he is still wondering around. At one time I even wished my sister would have died instead of my dad. He was my best friend.


Just know this. No one will ever understand what you are going through. Weddings, babies and everything important will be without your parents. Its sucks but life just does not seem to care.



Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Things that make me wanna stab someone...

As a pharmacy tech there are many things that drive me completely nuts about the human race. I have been a tech for nearly eight years and have worked in customer service for almost twenty years. Some of my complaints may be interchangable as a pharmacy tech and someone who works with people but some may only be clear if you actually work in a pharmacy. Sometimes I feel like people do stupid things just to test my patience. Which is getting shorter with every year I am alive.

1. The complaint I have is going to be from a pharmacy tech point of view. Depending on where you work this may apply to you too. One of my biggest grievances is having someone stare at me with angry eyes. In the pharmacy retail world there are some who believe if they stare daggers at you while you are working that you will work faster. Especially on their medications. Personally if you try to stare daggers at me, I stare back then I work slower so it doesnt work on me. And no I do not just put a label on it. There are many steps that are involved in making sure YOU DO NOT DIE.


2. My next issue is going to have to be wanting to fill narcotics early. Sorry sir but your insurance will not pay for it for 10 more days. You should still have some left. Oh your dog at the pills. Or you can not find the bottle. Someone stole your purse. Did you get a police report? No!? Then I will have to call your doctor. If the dr said it was ok then you should not mind me calling them. And unless the directions have changed the insurance is still going to deny it. That is just how the world works. And most of us have been doing this for years. Do not try to lie to us. We are not stupid. You may be but we are not.


3. Annoying Children!!! That is all!! I do not have kids so I guess I am not super sympathetic but control your damn kids. I get that if you are coming to the pharmacy that your kid is probably sick and annoyed but that is what drive thrus are for. Your kid screaming in my ear is going to make this process take a whole lot longer.




The book that got me into books....

I realize that most of my favorite things are books but I do not care. I love to read. Books are awesome!! When I was in high school I was given a book by my ex step mom. After my parents divorced I pretty much hated everything but this book helped me a lot. It really got me into reading again. The book is called If Tomorrow comes by Sidney Sheldon. It is about a woman who is wrongfully accussed of murder and imprisoned. When she gets out of prison she ends up becoming something completely different.



Tuesday, September 20, 2016

My favorite show right now.... Arrow

I am currently obsessed with the show Arrow on The CW. I did not start watching the show until half way through the first season. My husband made me watch it when he took over the TV for that night. I always hate to admit when my husband finds a show I enjoy but after seeing the lead actor (Stephen Amell) shirtless for most episodes I was hooked. So the shirtless scenes hooked me but I stayed for the great storyline and awesome characters. So now we are about to start the fifth season and I have become the worst kind of fangirl. I actually have withdrawals when I dont get to read fanfic for a couple days. So if you would like a show to get hooked on this one will do it. All but the last season are on netflix or you can buy them on amazon. The only season that is not on netflix yet is the last season so I have a link for it if you want to buy. Arrow: Season 4.


Bonus: The Oliver and Felicity relationship which will come to life on episode 3 season 1.


Oh the Feels....


Cooking for idiots

I just want to say that I suck at cooking and have never has any desire to learn. Well that was until I got married. I decided that I should at least know the basics. I found the book that would ultimately make me feel less stupid in the kitchen. The book pretty much dumbs all the basics down for anyone that never had anyone teach them. That would be me. I was raised by a single father who tried really hard but was not a chef. I can make grilled cheese and tomato soup though...lol. The name of the book is

The America's Test Kitchen Cooking School Cookbook. 

It is kind of expensive but it is amazing.


If you loved Twlight you will love this book

Ok so I went through a phase after I finished reading the Twlight series. I was looking for a series that could keep up my interest like Twlight did. The book is called My Blood Approves and I was so impressed with it that I read the whole series. So I know the whole vampire thing has kind of been over done but this book was so good. If you feel like giving it a try click on the link. I have the whole series on my book site. I think there are four books so far. Let me know how you feel about the book.


The Book I am Reading right now has changed my life

I have spent many years trying to find a way to not have anxiety in my life. After a while I just accepted that I would never have relief. Medications were the only way I would not have a freak out in public. But alas, I found a book that has helped me alot and I want to share with everyone that is suffering like I am. The name of the book is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: 7 Ways to Freedom from Anxiety, Depression, and Intrusive Thoughts (Training, Techniques, Course, Self-Help). I love that the ebook version was so cheap too. I had always thought about going to a psychologist for help with my anxiety but this book helped me so much....